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Mate: Who’s Got Your Back?

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

-Oprah Winfrey

An Expanded Vision of Mate:

  1. British:  A friend, buddy, or comrade (even a loyal pet)
  2. One of a pair
  3. Someone you live with; roommate
  4. A spouse, life partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend
  5. Nautical: An on-deck naval officer who keeps watch and ensures the safety and security of the vessel. The captain relies heavily on the first and second mates in his stead.

When we think of the word mate, we often think about marriage or a life partner.  Let’s expand that vision to also include anyone who has your back… your BFF, your buddy, your roommate, even your four-legged companion. After all, Adam had Eve, Lucy had Dezi, Lavern had Shirley, and Shaggy had Scooby.  Making space in your heart, your home, and your world for people with whom you have a special bond and share support is a foundation of your WheeHouse Lifestyle.

Picking a Life Partner

After first taking the time to figure out who you are, then and only then will you be ready to have a true mate and partner.  So many people do not take the time to develop their inner Selves before linking up with a life partner.  Oftentimes, as they continue to grow and learn through experiences, the early partnership can fall apart because of incompatibility. The attraction of a big wedding, societal influences, expectations from parents, and the sometimes not-so-gentle push for a ring can pressure a premature wedding.

So many people have had serious regrets even as they walk down the aisle for their nuptials.  While looking into the face of their soon-to-be betrothed they quiet serious doubts as the minister asks them to recite the vows that will “bond them for life”.  Once the honeymoon is over, then they are stuck without knowing themselves and with a partner that is not the right match for them.  

What if we employed a new Lifestyle Foundations perspective where people took the time, young and old to figure out how they were made, what their fears and interests are, and who would match up perfectly with their personality before they partnered up?  This is especially important for our primary relationship.

Solid Friendships

In order to continue to build our pack of supporters, we might consider what Esther Perel, a leading human relationship psychotherapist, has to say. “Today we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity.”, she says. Your next step in the Mate section of the Lifestyle Foundations process would be to build friendships that could fulfill other aspects of a caring relationship that would enhance your life and support you.  

Today we turn to one person to provide what entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity.

-Esther Perel

In order to lessen the strain on our primary relationships, should we choose to have one, we must have friends.  Friends that get us and love us unconditionally.  According to Psychology Today, these are the 13 qualities that good friends should have:

  1. Honesty
  2. Dependable
  3. Trustworthy
  4. Loyal
  5. Trusts others
  6. Empathetic
  7. Non-judgemental
  8. Good listener
  9. Supportive in good times
  10. Supportive in bad times
  11. Self-confident
  12. Sees the humor in life
  13. Fun to be around

Considering Your Mate(s) When Creating Your Home


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